


Souvenir

by yuridia



Series: El yo que dejé en ti [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 09:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7569250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuridia/pseuds/yuridia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's simple:</p><p>They don't want to remember.</p><p>They want to forget.</p><p>They can't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Souvenir

**Author's Note:**

> I love break ups someone save me.

The foggy mirror shows back a blurred version of Kageyama. He stares at it, at him, at the shapeless image without a proper reason. There are few elements quite distinguishable such as his dark hair and hollow gaze which stand out against his tanned body. Yet, what captivates his attention is the blank space on his chest. Who knew white, a colour so dead, so peaceful; could wake his heart to life?

  
A hand. Kageyama can’t see it but knows its shape. He knows its story.

  
He was fifteen years old. Summer came and the city adjusted: bright coloured clothes, running children and melted ice cream. Also, the beach was crowded with the families who wanted to take a break from the air conditioner and Hinata’s family didn’t waste the opportunity either.

  
It was Hinata’s idea to invite him along. Kageyama thinks it was out of pity. His mother had to travel due to new work opportunities and couldn’t afford to bring him with her. So, he spent the majority of his holidays alone. He didn’t mind the silence or the solitude but he knew Hinata couldn’t stand to see him like that.

  
Pride led him to say he never understood why he accepted the offer. Hinata was his partner. He was not a friend. He didn’t need the beach and he didn’t need him.

  
However, the lie didn’t work to hide the true his mouth couldn’t spoke.

  
He knew why.

  
He knows why.

  
It hurts still.

  
Getting rid of the sand was his main problem; it would sneak its way to his hair, his skin, his wet clothes, Hinata’s smile.

  
There was sand in his mouth which scratched his teeth as he clenched them. His body trembled thanks to the extremely cold water and the nervous feeling sitting and waiting at the bottom of his stomach.

  
The sand wasn’t a comfy bed but he fell sleep without problem. Alone.

  
Yet, he woke up next to someone.

  
A soft pressure against his chest; annoying snores in his left ear.

  
The sun painted them all red.

  
Except,

  
Except for the place Hinata protected under the palm of his hand.

  
Now, Kageyama is twenty. The mark has faded, it cannot be seen by others. However, he does. He sees it, he feels it.

  
It has become a part of him he needs to complete.

  
Many hands have reached the spot but they don’t match. They’re the wrong size, the wrong color, the wrong feeling.

  
He wanted them to match.

  
But they don’t.

  
They never will.

  
.

  
Hinata is sitting on his couch, feet above the small coffee table while some random action movie is on the television. He doesn’t pay attention to it, his thoughts far away from there.

  
The scar on his mouth tickles and that’s when he becomes aware of his tongue tracing the shape of it back and forth.

  
He smiles. Sad. Bittersweet.

  
It was after their fourth kiss when Kageyama noticed it. He tore away his gaze but Hinata caught him frowning. Eventually, he turned and asked Hinata about it. His cheeks were red, just like the top of his ears. The sight of Kageyama so embarrased made him laugh loud. Careless. Happy.

  
He told Kageyama to never chew a lollipop’s stick while running. The plastic drew a straight line on his palate and the bleeding lasted forever. His sister cried more than he did because of it.

  
Kageyama didn’t laugh. Instead, he asked him if someone else knew. To which he answered that only his mother and sister were aware of it.

  
The atmosphere changed and everything felt heavier, more intense. It was always like that under Kageyama’s eyes.

  
Seconds later, the both of them were blushing. The fifth kiss became his favourite. It is his favourite.

  
It was similar to the others. Their hearts were beating fast, their breaths were agitated. They were nervous, they were getting used to each other. It was a beginning, different, when Kageyama thanked the piece of himself Hinata gave away. He traced the scar, shivers invading Hinata’s body. He paid attention to it. He treated like he was his, too.

  
Others have kissed him.

  
Yet, no one notices.

  
.

  
Opening the closet, the sight of a black box of shoes makes Kageyama feel guilty. Inside of it a bottle of perfume can be found; not forgotten, but hidden.

  
The description has fancy words such as amber and vanilla. To create a sweet, rich, woody, earthy tone; it says. However, Kageyama would never describe the fragance with those words.

  
On Hinata’s skin it smelled fresh and clean. Mixed with Hinata’s aroma, addictive.  
He never wore it himself because the perfume remained to be just a fragrance. Yet, it was different when the aroma passed from Hinata’s skin to his. That’s when it smelled warm, like _home_.

  
Nowadays, the description is a painful and lonely word: lost.

  
The bottle is not empty but the alcohol has taken over the other essences. Its bitter smell has erased the warm feeling. Only growing stronger as time passes.

  
Kageyama doesn’t open the box.

  
He doesn’t open the bottle.

  
He closes the closet’s door and walks away. His clothes smelling like vanilla.

  
.

  
Hinata likes coffee. Every morning he prepares a cup filling half of it with coffee and the rest with milk. He would choose coffee over tea anytime and anywhere.

  
So, as each morning, he stares at the box of mint tea invading his kitchen. He has always hated the taste of it.

  
Yet,

  
He liked how it tasted on Kageyama’s lips, on his teeth, on his mouth. He loved how he could taste it from Kageyama’s smile.

  
Sometimes, he tries. He grabs a cup, pours the hot water in it. Sometimes, it burns his fingers. Sometimes, he can drink more than a sip of it.

  
Always,

  
He always ends up spitting it.

  
The box remains in its place.

  
.

  
It’s hot so the window is open, allowing some calm breezes to break into the room. Strange orange and yellow shapes are plastered on Kageyama’s white ceiling as the sun rises.  
He stares at it. As he wakes up, sounds of another typical morning can be heard: birds, cars, branches of a tree scratching his window.

  
It’s peaceful.

  
His hands ruin it. Searching for someone, reaching for someone yet finding the soft material of his sheets and nothing else.

  
The sunlight’s warm isn’t enough, it doesn’t compare.

  
The room is empty.

  
.

  
The window is closed.

  
Hinata shivers under his sheets.

  
It’s summer and Hinata feels cold.

  
.

  
One by one, Kageyama takes various things out of groceries bags sitting on the table. Oranges, toilet paper, tea, water,

  
A packet of bandaids.

  
He stares at them for a moment trying to remember the reason behind the purchase. The cardboard box crumbles at the edges when his hand reacts at the memories his mind supplies.

  
He doesn’t need it. He has one box somewhere in his apartment which is mostly complete because the few lost were used in emergencies. The majority of them including some cooking accident. He doesn’t need to worry about injuries in practices because the team has a group of people who gets paid to take care of them.

  
On the other hand, Hinata was always getting himself hurt. It was fine if it happened in the gym but to increase Kageyama’s worrying, most of them occurred outside of it. In the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the bedroom, in the street. As a result, Kageyama bought a packet of bandaids every time he took a trip to the store because Hinata would find a way to appear with a bledding cut or a red looking scratch in his apartment.

  
Kageyama would get mad at him for not taking care of himself. Hinata would tell him that he doesn’t need to, he has him.  
He wonders who takes care of them now.  
The packet of bandaids is left on the table. Kageyama pretends it was on the list.  
Silently, he hopes it can be useful again some day.

  
.

  
Blood comes out of his thumb, so Hinata puts it in his mouth. He won’t pet cats from now on if it means having his hand bitten like this. Sucking on his thumb is how he finds Yachi walking hand on hand with her new girlfriend.

  
She greets him and asks why he isn’t in Tokyo. The coach gave them a few days off until their next match against Polonia, he answers and changes the subject. Yachi laughs at his misfortune with the bratty cat while her girlfriend takes a bandaid out of her purse and politely offers it to him.

  
While her girlfriend is distracted, Yachi takes the opportunity to lower her voice and asks about Kageyama and their relationship.

  
He doesn’t say:

  
_“The coach found out.”_

  
He doesn’t say:

  
_“It was us or our career.”_

  
He doesn’t say:

  
_“We broke up.”_

  
It’s after she leaves when he realizes his answer. How his lies seemed true. How for a moment he allowed himself to forget.

  
He pretends.

  
He pretends until he opens the door and finds no one waiting for him.

  
.

  
Kageyama’s apartment looks incomplete. There are spaces everywhere. Empty spaces he should fill. He should fix.

  
There’s an empty space next to his toothbrush in the bathroom. There’s an empty space next to his cup in the kitchen. There’s an empty space in his couch. There’s an empty space in his wardrobe. There’s an empty space on his bed. There’s an empty space on his skin.

  
They are everywhere.

  
He wants it to be complete.

  
He wants to be complete.

  
.

  
Hinata’s apartment looks lonely.

  
There are more than four toothbrushes in the bathroom, yet he uses only one. He keeps buying them anyway.

  
There are two cups on the table but one is empty.

  
There are clothes in his wardrobe which don’t fit him. Always too big. He doesn’t throw them away.

  
There are trophies on his shelves celebrating a victory of a team. Celebrating a dream accomplished by two.

  
There are photos on his walls where he isn’t alone.

  
Yet, he feels alone. He is alone.

  
He doesn’t want to be like this anymore.

  
.

  
Kageyama knocks on a door.

  
Mint invades his breath.

  
_“I can’t. I love you. I still do. Please, just let me.”_

  
.

  
Hinata opens.

  
He smells like _home_.

  
_“Yes. Yes. Always.”_


End file.
